never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
