It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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