and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
