Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
