It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
