I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, he came in my armpit
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
