these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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