i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
