This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
