So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
