He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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