From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
