i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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