I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
