His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
