I got chris browned last night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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