Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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