dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
