walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i out mim tonsoeep
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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