I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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