if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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