Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
