I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
