In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
