somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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