i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
