I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
