If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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