I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
only if we run a train.
done.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm both gender and math confused
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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