I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
