Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
