He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.