ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...