he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.