My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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