I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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