My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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