ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
