Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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