Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
