1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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