Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
