Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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