Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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