Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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