I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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