we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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