Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
