...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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