Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
