Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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