Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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