i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
