So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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