We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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