I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
