...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
