This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
