I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
