just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
