I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
