Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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