Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The beer is more important than you right now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
