My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
