from now on my penis is your penis
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
