But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
