Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
