You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sponge bath it is.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
