so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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