hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
