She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize