There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
